And a lot of people might not understand this, but that was a huge factor in my decision to leave my job and stay home full-time with Annabel. Because even with an incredibly helpful partner (who often does more than me), I found it nearly impossible to “have it all”…at least to the extent that I wanted it. Something had to give because there just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to give 100% to both a job and to the healthy raising of my kid.

Gah, I have so many thoughts on all of this that I’m having a really hard time figuring out how to wrap up this comment! I hope I was clear because my thoughts are muddled and I know this can be a touchy subject for a lot of people, myself included:)

I think you really hit the nail on the head in a comment above when you said that it all boils down to choice. I belive that baking cupcakes or having a career can both be solidly feminist actions so long as we are CHOOSING to do them.

I am so fortunate that Chris values preparing healthy meals. I hate to say it, but I would wager that it’s actually a little uneven – many nights, I would rather eat half a jar of PB than cook. In that respect, he definitely contributes way more. I would like to try and keep this in mind when we move back in together *guilty face*

Living alone now, cooking is definitely less of an enjoyable experience and more of a weekly chore that I drag myself through. Despite that, I should remember that many people don’t have this privilege. I couldn’t even imagine trying to raise a family.

I’m rambling! Thank you so much for this post! I really, really enjoyed reading it and it has given me so much to think about!

My experience started where I was underemployed when my husband and I started off, then he deployed and when he came back, we were all of a sudden commuting together – so we were gone from the house the exact same amount of time Mon-Fri. While I was underemployed, I had zero problem doing more of the cooking and shopping and housecare, but we had a major adjustment when our worklife was equal. Now, my husband does the majority of the cooking and I pitch in when I can and when I am motivated to lead (sometimes). He is a great cook and makes mostly healthy foods – we do have chips and *homemade* salsa for dinner some nights, but I would do that occasionally no matter what, so I’m not blaming him, lol. In any case, the transition to this end state was a bit stressful, and it happened when I realized that he was sitting down about an hour before me each night. I would stay standing up longer doing little tidying here and there, small things that saved me from having 8 hours of housework waiting for me Saturday morning, ya know? But he just didn’t see those things waiting to be done, so he’d sit down and read or watch a video or get online and relax. It drove me crazy, and I adjusted by starting to do those little tidying things before starting dinner. He’d get so hungry that he started making dinner and now the transition is mostly complete.

Sometimes it was hard for me to let go of planning meals and making sure I got enough vegetables…but I still contribute to the shopping, so I influence what’s in our cupboards (lots of beans, quinoa, rice and pasta (it’s sicily!))…and if I buy veggies at the market, he cooks them once there in our kitchen. I feel really lucky, and I agree with Sheryl Sandberg – I didn’t get this lucky by chance, I thought really hard about the person I was going to marry. I still had serious doubts about my marriage while I was struggling through that transition, because for a while it felt like I was turning into my mother and doing it all with a chip on my shoulder. I am really happy with how things turned out now. I wish that other men were as open to being equal partners in the home, and that I didn’t feel that my story was a rarity.

This is fascinating because it does make sense as a partial cause. Businesses saw a new untapped market, and the rest was history.

Regardless of my gender, I feel like I should be able to do it all in some fashion. My logic goes like this — if my boyfriend didn’t live with me, I’d still need to eat, clean the house, do the laundry, etc. It doesn’t bother me to do these things on my own for me and him. I don’t feel like I’m holding myself back or succumbing to gender stereotypes. I need to eat, and I prefer not to eat fast food (but I’m totally guilty of doing so, but it’s a conscious decision), so I’ll make it work. Would things change if I had kids? Maybe, but I can’t comment on anything but my own unique situation. I still wouldn’t handle a complete lazy-ass for a partner, even though I find myself doing most of the “chores.” If I need help, I know I can ask and it’ll be done.

Flights to England = cheap in the spring and early fall, so get over here!

I remember long ago you used to write about slow cooking, right? I need to go find some of your recipes! Check out that one I linked to. I think it would be good without the chicken, although I know you eat meat now.