When you have no comeback to an insult, just say this: “You’re a virgin … who can’t drive.”
If they reply with, “That was way harsh, Tai,” then you’ll know they’re probably your best friend forever. If they don’t, do you really want to be friends with someone who doesn’t like Clueless?
My friend Polis and I are creating a fun column at work. It’s called Instagrammar. We’re going to have examples that involve characters from 90s TV shows and movies, like Clueless. And Blossom.
I’m pretty sure no one is going to read it, but it’s still going to be fun and we’re super excited about it.
Our first column is about correct apostrophe usage. Polis says we need to blind people with made-up statistics. I agree. If the Republicans can do it, why can’t we? “Incorrect apostrophe usage more likely to cause sexual inability.”
He says if people think they’re having worse sex than grammatically-endowed folk, we might change the world.
September 4, 2012 at 13:01
Brilliant! I stand behind your movement!
September 4, 2012 at 13:04
haha thanks
September 4, 2012 at 14:41
Genius! Down with poor apostrophe usage…it drives me crazy! There is a used car lot near my house that sells trucks and car’s. Car’s WHAT?? WHAT DOES THE CAR OWN? I would never have sex with the owner of that company.
September 4, 2012 at 14:46
Ha!! I love stuff like that. “Best Shake’s in London!” There are SO many people missing out on sex – all because of a simple apostrophe.
September 5, 2012 at 14:02
YES!
September 4, 2012 at 14:50
Yes! Apostrophe misusage is a real threat to our society! I’m glad you’re bringing this issue to the forefront! While you’re at it, could you work on the misusage of women/woman?! I don’t understand what’s so difficult about that, but I read it misused ALL the time! You are not a women, lady!!!
September 4, 2012 at 15:08
Oh my gosh. Here’s another men/man thing. My university newspaper was called the Indiana Statesman. StatesMAN. Some girl applied to work as the advertising chief, and since I was the EIC I got to sit in on the interview. I campaigned hard to get her fired before she started because all over her resume she spelled the paper “Indiana Statesmen.” StatesMEN. WTF. She still got the job, because they didn’t think that was a big enough offense to not hire someone. I totally think it is, because if you can’t even spell your employer’s name correctly, on a resume, what else can’t you do??
September 5, 2012 at 01:40
Um, hi soulmate! This is my number one insult with my friends. We quote that ALL THE TIME.
As a former editor and defender of all things grammatical, can I please participate in Instagrammar? It sounds ah-mazing.
P.S. Heart Hey Dude and Salute Your Shorts and Clarissa 4 eva.
September 6, 2012 at 13:21
Haha! I might have to make Instagrammar an online thing now!
Even though I’m not interested in anything Melissa Joan Hart has to say, I still follow her on Twitter purely because of Clarissa and Sabrina. “Mitosis is …”
September 5, 2012 at 20:02
please tell me where and when to sign up for Instagrammar – i LOVE it.
yes, if you could successfully link sexual prowess with grammar, you really could change the world. why not try?
September 5, 2012 at 20:04
okay – just read the comments and I agree with you on the resume sinker; and also, have you read the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves???!!! Please say yes. If not, you must read it very soon.
http://www.lynnetruss.com/pages/content/index.asp?PageID=8
September 6, 2012 at 13:18
Yes, I LOVE that book!!!
September 6, 2012 at 13:56
Hahaha this is amazing. Can you be a guest speaker at my place of employment?! The copywriters would love you, as would I
September 6, 2012 at 14:17
Haha thanks! I think my friend has discovered the perfect way to get people to care about grammar – make it about sex!
September 7, 2012 at 13:06
I need to be part of this!
September 7, 2012 at 13:07
You can totally help out! That would be great
September 8, 2012 at 23:27
Clueless! A friend and I, who both love Jane Austin’s “Emma” are planning on having a “Clueless” marathon slash afternoon tea party. (Clueless is based on Emma – and we want to figure out how strictly they mirrored the story line!)
September 11, 2012 at 14:24
That sounds really fun!! I used to see that movie everywhere and never bought it, but now that I’m looking for it I can’t find it! I might have to go online
Also, I haven’t read Emma so you’ll have to let me know what you think!
September 11, 2012 at 17:51
Emma’s pretty good. I can’t compare it to Clueless too well, because it’s been so long since I’ve seen it! You kinda don’t like Emma that much in the beginning, because she’s pretty snobby, but she grows on you xD. But the romantic part is great in the end.
Emma is one of those books that you’re kinda wondering why you’re still reading it, but then you get to the end and you know why.
I don’t know if you’ve read Jane Austen, but if you’re reading her books for the first time, start with Pride & Prejudice. That’s one’s my FAVORITE – and starting with a high regard of Jane Austen’s writing style will help you get through her other books, which can be boring at times.
September 11, 2012 at 18:10
haha, I don’t mean her books can be BAD though! Also, whenever I read her books, I find I start talking very properly and become more interested in doing things like writing letters to friends and taking ‘turns around the garden’