Sometimes I do stupid things. Like this one time (at band camp!) I was sitting at my desk at work and thought, “It would be really cool if I could drink water from two cups at the same time.”

Then I spilled water all over my shirt.  ”FML.”

I feel like this crap is going to lead to a mid-life crisis in 10 years. Maybe 13. I don’t imagine I’ll have a mid-life crisis before age 40. But at 40 I’ll be sitting there thinking, “How much money would I be making right now if I hadn’t spent so much time wondering things like how to drink from two cups at the same time without using straws?”

Speaking of being 40, assuming I’m still leading a healthy lifestyle at that point, the young guys won’t be able to call me a MILF. I’ll never be a MILF. I’ll be an ILF, or OSPILF (old single person I’d like to F).

My work has an internal chat system. As you can see, it’s sometimes put to good use:

Of course I’m joking. There is so much more to life than having ILF attached to your reproductive status. Like what, you ask? LIKE KOREAN POP MUSIC OH MY GOD.

I wish I was joking. But as soon as I heard this song I literally got so excited I doubted my ability to get to sleep three hours from then. I was like: this is it. I have to learn this dance. I have to discover more Korean pop music. I have to go to Korea.

I’m not worried about never being a MILF or never being able to drink from two cups at the same time because some day I’m going to be as awesome as this dude.

People won’t have time to question my ILF status because while I’m out on the dance floor busting out Gangnam Style moves they’ll be too busy watching and saying, “That’s one bad a$$ muthaf*cka!”

Check ya later, folks.