I thought it might be fun to start writing a tiny bit about my single life. I have a lot of ridiculous thoughts that maybe other women might find funny or can relate to, although guys may walk away in horror (which is always the goal as a single girl, huh?).
Most of my days are so happy and I’m constantly appreciative of the fortune I’ve had in life. Then something small will happen, like this picture:
I was taking a bunch of silly pictures and videos to send to my sister on WhatsApp when I noticed BAGS UNDER MY EYES. (Also, my hair is chunky because I just got out of the shower. I promise I’m not a dirt bag.) (Also again, if you don’t have WhatsApp on your iPhone – get it! It’s amazing!) (I might be turning into a very poor version of David Foster Wallace with all these notes.)
I immediately took about 10 more pictures to confirm that yes, this is the first sign of skin sagging off my face.
Holy crap! This isn’t the first time I’ve had a “getting old” crisis, and only two weeks before the eye bag picture I’d decided I was going to get serious about life, but here I was wasting time making music videos for my sister and spending time with guys who, in the long run, are a total waste of time.
(My videos are awesome, if I do say so myself. I sent her a video of me singing Kenny Chesney’s “The Good Stuff,” which I’m sure you can imagine was almost like the real thing.)
I had decided to get serious because I’d found out two couples I know are having a baby. When I thought back on that day’s biggest accomplishments all I came up with was the fact that I’d spent a good hour planning out how I was going to make one of those newspaper sailor hats without having to Google instructions.
I was super excited about potentially being able to tell people I’d successfully made the hat without instructions. Think about it. It’s hard!
But what’s everyone else doing? Planning weddings, planning babies, going on dates. (Although maybe I’d have actual dates if my priorities weren’t so clearly in the realm of hat planning and related meaningless activities.)
Saw this on Laura’s blog a couple weeks ago:
But under eye bags, man, this is serious.
On the plus side, I’m pretty confident I’ll be meeting a guy this Friday:
“Hey there, sexy. I’m divorced, I have bags under my eyes, I like country music, but God damn it if I can’t make the best newspaper sailor hat you’ve seen this side of the Thames!”
In all seriousness, the only problem with getting serious is that I still have this thing where even if I’m crazy about a guy, the thought of signing the girlfriend contract makes me feel physically sick. It’s a contradiction I don’t quite understand, but hopefully it will go away before the skin actually does fall off my face. Until then I’m sticking with newspaper hats and remaining hopeful for the future!
*Of course, while I do have thoughts about having only a certain amount of time, I’m writing all this in good humor!